So I find myself saying this about a million times a week but seriously where has this year gone? I can’t believe that it is the 1st December in a weeks time. I am so unprepared for Christmas and have literally only just started thinking about gifts for people. I really am trying to summon up the energy for Christmas but just can’t seem to get motivated and that’s not me at all, my husband seriously thinks I am beyond obsessed with Christmas…. and Santa…. cringe! I just feel like this year, especially the second half has been so very very draining. Since the high of getting married in July and finding out I was pregnant 2 weeks after, since the start of losing the baby in August, then the nightmare of that carrying on for months to then Carter being dashed to A&E with breathing problems along with a million other crappy events, I just feel so drained and that life is really kicking me in the face when I’m down. I’m ashamed to say that I can’t wait to see the back of this year in a way which is awful as it has been so amazing in so many ways but I just want a clean break and clean start. I just want to feel like me again. I’m also terrified that life is passing by too quick, that I need to cherish the moments and not live them through a fog of unhappiness. I’m trying so hard to be the best I can but can’t help but feel my best is so far away. So I am going to try and throw myself into Christmas. I will smile and decorate, I will pick gifts, I will make Christmas treats, I will enjoy my sons face on Christmas Day when he sees his presents, I will try to be me, I promise promise promise, I’ll try.